Validating Other People’s Feelings
It can be challenging to emotionally support other people, especially if we experience our own pain from seeing them suffer. It can be stressful watching someone else struggle, and sometimes we may want to help them feel better, but we end up saying the wrong thing out of wanting the situation to resolve quickly. We can have good intentions when we say things like, “Don’t cry” or “This isn’t a big deal, calm down,” but this can be insensitive to someone with painful feelings because they likely wish they could be more composed but in the moment are deeply suffering.
When we validate another person’s feelings, we make space for how they are feeling in the moment, even if we want them to feel differently. All we have to do to validate someone’s feelings is express understanding. If we can make our voice soft and soothing, it will make a significant difference in how effective our validating words will be received. Even if it feels weird or inauthentic, softening our voice shows the other person we’re putting a conscious effort into helping them feel better.
When we validate another person’s feelings, we make space for how they are feeling in the moment, even if we want them to feel differently. All we have to do to validate someone’s feelings is express understanding. If we can make our voice soft and soothing, it will make a significant difference in how effective our validating words will be received. Even if it feels weird or inauthentic, softening our voice shows the other person we’re putting a conscious effort into helping them feel better.
Here are some examples of validating things to say:
“I hear you.”
“I’m sorry, is there anything I can do to help?”
“I’m sorry for how hard this is.”
“I know this is feels bad, but remember that feelings are temporary and you will feel differently after they pass, but I know it’s hard right now.”
“I’m here to support you in any way I can.”
“I’m sorry you’re hurting, but I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.“
“It hurts now, but we’ll get through this.”
“I’m sorry, is there anything I can do to help?”
“I’m sorry for how hard this is.”
“I know this is feels bad, but remember that feelings are temporary and you will feel differently after they pass, but I know it’s hard right now.”
“I’m here to support you in any way I can.”
“I’m sorry you’re hurting, but I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.“
“It hurts now, but we’ll get through this.”
Making Other People Happy
In our relationships and our friendships, we strive to make our loved ones happy; however, sometimes we don’t offer those people something that truly nourishes them. We may speak in a way or do an action that actually may cause them to suffer, even when we’re acting with good intentions. Our willingness to make others happy isn’t enough. We shouldn’t feel accomplished for simply wanting to make others happy, we should aim for real contentment when we succeed in doing so. We have our own idea of happiness and we know what we enjoy, but this may not be what the other person needs. We must be flexible, open, and creative to adjust our offerings of happiness and peace for each person. To do this, we must concentrate and observe each individual deeply. This will help us to understand that person’s needs, desires, and struggles more clearly. Even when we are fully present and attentive to those around us, we still cannot assume what will best make them happy, so we can simply ask.
What would make you happy?
What is a happy moment for you?
What are your needs for happiness?
What is a happy moment for you?
What are your needs for happiness?
Practicing Non-Judgment
We can challenge ourselves to abstain from judgement. We do our best not to judge the people around us and we do our best not to judge ourselves.
If we find ourselves having a judgmental thought, we acknowledge the interruption in our practice and gently return our focus to practicing
non-judgment, compassion, and acceptance.
If we find ourselves having a judgmental thought, we acknowledge the interruption in our practice and gently return our focus to practicing
non-judgment, compassion, and acceptance.
