Stress-Relief Exercise: Cue-Controlled Relaxation
When we’re immersed in a situation or environment that causes us emotional pain, it can be difficult to act skillfully. Many people feel a flood of negative emotions when faced with failure, rejection, conflict, or other painful events. Cue-controlled relaxation is a self-soothing exercise that can be practiced anywhere, anytime we need to reduce our stress levels or relieve our muscle tension. This gives us the best chance to get to a clear-minded place where we can remember to practice our mindfulness skills.
A cue is any trigger or command that reminds us to think or do a specific action. In this case, we choose a cue word that will remind us of peace, something that encourages us to relax. The goal of this practice is to train our body to release muscle tension when we speak or think of our cue word. After we’ve practiced this technique a few times, it will feel very natural and we’ll easily be able to relax our entire body all at once simply by breathing mindfully and thinking of our cue word.
A cue is any trigger or command that reminds us to think or do a specific action. In this case, we choose a cue word that will remind us of peace, something that encourages us to relax. The goal of this practice is to train our body to release muscle tension when we speak or think of our cue word. After we’ve practiced this technique a few times, it will feel very natural and we’ll easily be able to relax our entire body all at once simply by breathing mindfully and thinking of our cue word.
I recommend reading the practice through at least once before beginning so you may best concentrate on fully relaxing.
Take the time to learn this exercise, to be free of your tension. It is an act of freedom to relax. Allow yourself this freedom, you deserve to feel at ease.
Take the time to learn this exercise, to be free of your tension. It is an act of freedom to relax. Allow yourself this freedom, you deserve to feel at ease.
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Think of your cue word now. I like using the word “relax” or thinking of a name of someone or something that inspires me. |
To start, silence any distractions and find a comfortable place to sit where you won’t be interrupted for about twenty minutes. After a few practices, you’ll be able to do this exercise in any situation, and you’ll be able to do it very quickly; but for now, it’s important to pick a chair or area where you’re able to feel truly comfortable or this exercise will be more difficult to learn.
In your chair, place your feet flat on the floor with your hands resting comfortably in your lap or at your sides. Close your eyes and begin to breathe mindfully, inhaling 1-2-3-4 and exhaling 1-2-3-4-5. Repeat three times. Continuing to breathe, inhale through your nose and fill your belly with air, expanding your stomach like a balloon. Hold your breath for five seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Feel your belly deflate like a balloon losing its air. Repeat this three times, inhaling through your nose, holding for five seconds, and exhaling through your mouth, feeling your belly fill and empty with air. Now take some slow, deep breaths, without tensing, and continue breathing deeply for the rest of the exercise.
Next, consciously relax your entire body. If you can truly relax your body fully and completely, you may skip the next paragraph. Otherwise, try the following nourishing visualization to inspire deep, calm relaxation. I recommend trying the visualization, because it works through each area of your body and allows you to consciously relax more than you may do otherwise:
Keeping your eyes closed, imagine a beautiful beam of white light beaming down from the ceiling or sky and pouring into the top of your head. This light is a glorious light. It is made of the most incredible, pure energy available in the universe. This light is warm, loving, and perfect for you. This light feels like purpose. This light feels like a hug from your best friend. This light is powerful and gentle, a complete combination of whatever elements make you feel most comfortable. Imagine the warm, white light brightly beaming down onto the top of your head, and notice how you feel more and more comfortable as the light fills you with protective, perfect relaxation. Slowly, the light moves down, expanding over your forehead, the tops of your ears, over your nose and mouth. Wherever the light touches, relax that part of your body. The light continues to slowly spread down to your shoulders, pouring down your back and the sides in your arms, filling your chest and torso with relaxing energy. Release all muscle tension as the light moves like a calming salve over your body. The light loosens any tension it touches. The white light slowly proceeds down your body further, a soothing sensation traveling down through your back, pelvis, and into your thighs. Notice how pleasant and warm the light feels as it fills you with comfort. Feel all of your tension leaving the muscles in your legs, draining out of your calves, heels, and out of the each of your toes as the light encases your entire body. Just as you practiced in the body scan exercise, allow each individual part of your body to fully relax as the light travels over you
Notice how calm and peaceful you feel, continuing to breathe in slow, long breaths. Feel your belly expand with each breath, and observe how it deflates as you exhale smoothly. As you’re inhaling, silently think to yourself “breathing in,” and as you exhale, silently think your cue word. Inhaling, “breathing in, and exhaling, “relax” (use whatever word you wish). Breathe in, acknowledging you’re breathing in, and breathe out, acknowledging your entire body relaxing at the same time you say your cue word silently to yourself. Continue to breathe, and with each exhale, feel your body relaxing into your cue word. Inhale, “breathing in” and exhale, releasing any tension you feel to the sound of your cue word.
In your chair, place your feet flat on the floor with your hands resting comfortably in your lap or at your sides. Close your eyes and begin to breathe mindfully, inhaling 1-2-3-4 and exhaling 1-2-3-4-5. Repeat three times. Continuing to breathe, inhale through your nose and fill your belly with air, expanding your stomach like a balloon. Hold your breath for five seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Feel your belly deflate like a balloon losing its air. Repeat this three times, inhaling through your nose, holding for five seconds, and exhaling through your mouth, feeling your belly fill and empty with air. Now take some slow, deep breaths, without tensing, and continue breathing deeply for the rest of the exercise.
Next, consciously relax your entire body. If you can truly relax your body fully and completely, you may skip the next paragraph. Otherwise, try the following nourishing visualization to inspire deep, calm relaxation. I recommend trying the visualization, because it works through each area of your body and allows you to consciously relax more than you may do otherwise:
Keeping your eyes closed, imagine a beautiful beam of white light beaming down from the ceiling or sky and pouring into the top of your head. This light is a glorious light. It is made of the most incredible, pure energy available in the universe. This light is warm, loving, and perfect for you. This light feels like purpose. This light feels like a hug from your best friend. This light is powerful and gentle, a complete combination of whatever elements make you feel most comfortable. Imagine the warm, white light brightly beaming down onto the top of your head, and notice how you feel more and more comfortable as the light fills you with protective, perfect relaxation. Slowly, the light moves down, expanding over your forehead, the tops of your ears, over your nose and mouth. Wherever the light touches, relax that part of your body. The light continues to slowly spread down to your shoulders, pouring down your back and the sides in your arms, filling your chest and torso with relaxing energy. Release all muscle tension as the light moves like a calming salve over your body. The light loosens any tension it touches. The white light slowly proceeds down your body further, a soothing sensation traveling down through your back, pelvis, and into your thighs. Notice how pleasant and warm the light feels as it fills you with comfort. Feel all of your tension leaving the muscles in your legs, draining out of your calves, heels, and out of the each of your toes as the light encases your entire body. Just as you practiced in the body scan exercise, allow each individual part of your body to fully relax as the light travels over you
Notice how calm and peaceful you feel, continuing to breathe in slow, long breaths. Feel your belly expand with each breath, and observe how it deflates as you exhale smoothly. As you’re inhaling, silently think to yourself “breathing in,” and as you exhale, silently think your cue word. Inhaling, “breathing in, and exhaling, “relax” (use whatever word you wish). Breathe in, acknowledging you’re breathing in, and breathe out, acknowledging your entire body relaxing at the same time you say your cue word silently to yourself. Continue to breathe, and with each exhale, feel your body relaxing into your cue word. Inhale, “breathing in” and exhale, releasing any tension you feel to the sound of your cue word.
Inhale, “Breathing In”
Exhale, “Cue Word”
Exhale, “Cue Word”
Feel all tension in your body melting away. Repeat this pattern at your own pace for a few minutes, enjoying the relief you’re providing to your body. If your mind drifts or your attention wanders, simply return your focus to “breathing in” and relaxing with your “cue word”. Once content, gently open your eyes and return your awareness to the room around you.
I recommend doing this technique twice a day for the first few times you practice.
Write down how long it takes you to feel fully relaxed. When practiced daily, you’ll soon be able to relax very quickly and feel very natural doing so.
After training a few times with this exercise, you won’t have to imagine the beautiful white light to help yourself relax, simply breathing and confidently saying your cue word will trigger you to feel safe and calm in any distressing situation.
Write down how long it takes you to feel fully relaxed. When practiced daily, you’ll soon be able to relax very quickly and feel very natural doing so.
After training a few times with this exercise, you won’t have to imagine the beautiful white light to help yourself relax, simply breathing and confidently saying your cue word will trigger you to feel safe and calm in any distressing situation.
Note from L: I learned this technique to help with my overwhelming emotions while looking into extreme trauma. My doctor introduced this to me and when he would say the cue word, for whatever reason, I could not relax. I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t find success with this practice until I did it privately by myself, saying my own word in my own space. If you struggle to find success with this technique yourself, try a different cue word or attempting the exercise in a different location. Once I figured out what word worked best for me, practicing this exercise helped transform a lot of deep-seeded tension I didn’t even realize I was carrying.
Stay persistent with your practice, and I know you’ll find your own combination of useful of tools to self-soothe as I have.
Stay persistent with your practice, and I know you’ll find your own combination of useful of tools to self-soothe as I have.