Being Self-Kind vs Self-Critical

We can be really hard on ourselves! Some of the things we think, say, and do to ourselves would be unthinkable to do to another person. Our self-criticism fundamentally comes from a good place of wanting to help ourselves be the best we can be; but if we’re too hard on ourselves, every mistake will be validation of our negative feelings. If we extend love and nonjudgmental compassion about why we made the mistake in the first place, we can discover lessons and insights about ourselves and life’s many experiences. When we analyze ourselves in a loving, nonjudgmental manner, we can respond more clearly to our problems with calm, undamaged attention. If we are wise, we will treat ourselves with dignity and grace. Even if we make a few mistakes, a lot of what we experience is for our own good (growth), even if it turns out completely differently than the way we expected it to. We can be grateful for each moment, thought, and action that brought us to our current self. If a situation is deeply painful or negative, we might as well find a valuable lesson in it to strengthen our present perspective.

Designing Our Style of Love

The love we offer ourselves doesn’t have to match any form of love we’ve received in the past. Whatever conditions of love we experienced growing up are not what we’re guaranteed for the rest of our life. If we’re given an abundance of love as a child, we will have to learn how to fill that need for ourselves as adults. If we suffered from a lack of adequate love, now each day we have a new opportunity to heal our neglected inner child. There are so many ways to express care and thoughtfulness for our needs. Each day we can explore how we treat ourselves and try new mindful actions to deepen our connection with our best self. Over time, we’ll develop favorite ways to support ourselves with deep love and understanding. The love we give ourselves can be new, unique, and limitless. We can look for inspiration for our love in art, music, media, nature, and other rich energies. We can create something entirely different than anything we've ever seen before, whatever is perfect for what we need as an individual. There are no rules when it comes to self-love and no limits as to what can inspire us to stay connected to ourselves.

​Every day we can celebrate the wonderful ways we can extend love, support, and compassion to ourselves as we explore who we are and why we're here, always connected to the present moment.

Deep Thirst

Sometimes we feel an emptiness inside. An uneasy lack of something, an emptiness so big that it can be confusing and difficult to determine what we’re actually missing. We’ll hope for something externally to come and fill that hole inside us so we can feel less alone with the emptiness. Our desire to be loved and cared for can feel like a deep thirst. We can even have a supportive family, a caring partner, or a thriving business and still continue to feel empty, especially if we haven’t developed our understanding of what we need to be happy and gratified. We must realize that our hopes and fantasies won't be achieved by another person or outside resource, no matter how badly we may want those things to fulfill our needs or expectations. The deep thirst we feel to be filled with love is actually the desire to understand ourselves and our time here on this planet. We give love to other people and things, we receive love from outside sources, but how often do we practice giving and receiving love to ourselves? We can stop hoping for external fulfillment when we take time to learn what we can do best for ourselves, right now, in this moment.

Concept inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh

How to Speak Lovingly to Self

Fun Activities to Do with Self

Coping with Loneliness

Respecting our Healing

Healing can feel painful and tedious, so it can be helpful to remember that our personal healing benefits everyone around us. We improve our skills and services as individuals, and when we prioritize self-care, we inspire others to focus on tending to their own feelings, too. When we have a strong sense of self-awareness and show a generous effort of self-respect, we share our best selves and model the value of loving-kindness to other people.

"I Love My Body" Lullaby

Sometimes it can be difficult to feel comfortable being ourselves. When I feel anxious about my health, dissatisfied with my appearance, or feel otherwise uncomfortable in my self, I release from the discomfort associated with worrying and practice enjoying my body, right in this moment. We can use our eyes to see so many beautiful colors, our tongue to taste so many incredible flavors, our hands to touch the many wonders of life, our ears to hear lovely and inspiring sounds - the amazing stimulus around us makes it easy to remember that our body and world are unique and beautiful scientific miracles that should be celebrated each and every day!

We can practice loving ourselves with positive thinking, healing actions, and silly little songs of kindness like this one!
The next time you feel yourself doubting yourself, listen to this derpy song I recorded for you and just focus on breathing in and out, slowly and deeply. ​

10 Elements of Wholehearted Living

When I was studying Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), I learned about a great concept presented by Dr. Brene Brown, called “10 Guideposts of Wholehearted Living.” This list can be a great meditation prompt for us to inspire deeper healing within.
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​Read down this list and note which qualities you feel most and least skillful with. Choose a few qualities to mindfully cultivate over the next few weeks.

Cultivate Authenticity - Let go of what people think about you
Cultivate Self-Compassion - Let go of perfectionism
Cultivate a Resilient Spirit - Let go of numbing and powerlessness
Cultivate Gratitude and Joy - Let go of scarcity
Cultivate Intuition and Trusting Faith - Let go of the need for certainty
Cultivate Creativity - Let go of comparison
Cultivate Play and Rest - Let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
Cultivate Calm and Stillness - Let go of anxiety as a lifestyle
Cultivate Meaningful Work - Let go of self-doubt and a “supposed to” mindset
Cultivate Laughter, Song, and Dance - Let go of being cool and “always in control”

If you’d like to read more about these guideposts, I suggest reading either of Brene Brown’s books, Daring Greatly or The Gifts of Imperfection.

More Recommended Reading

“We're a nation hungry for more joy: Because we're starving from a lack of gratitude.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection