Notice, then Let Go
Sometimes all it takes to defuse a difficult feeling is noticing it. If we can use the first signs of discomfort as a cue to tune into our feelings with a positive curiosity, we can prevent our feelings from escalating into something more unpleasant. When we catch our jaw clenching, foot tapping, heart racing, palms sweating, or whatever our cues of discomfort are, we can breathe more deeply and slowly, focusing on extending the exhale for longer than the inhale to slow our heart rate, calm our nervous system, and release our tension. If we can acknowledge we’re feeling angry, impatient, anxious, suspicious, insecure, uncertain, or any other negative feeling, simply noticing our discomfort will be inherently comforting. It can be unbearable to be overwhelmed by a wave of intense emotions, so when we notice our stress symptoms building, we'll naturally be more in control of our reaction to them, because we have a greater awareness of how we're feeling and what we're thinking. Even if we have extreme anxiety, if we can observe our symptoms compassionately instead of feeling ashamed or guilty for our discomfort, we will lessen our uncomfortable feelings. If we're feeling angry, we know that raging will only extend our suffering and potentially harm our relationships, so we mindfully observe our feelings of anger without reacting to them. If we are struggling with feeling uncertain, we can reassure ourselves of our strengths to best prepare to respond skillfully instead of fretting over a bunch of "what if's" and allowing our stress to drain our energy. When we suffer with intense emotions, we can learn more about why our body physically responds in the way it does. We don't have to layer judgmental or panicked emotions on top of already difficult feelings. We can simply notice how we feel, and then then consciously try to let go of how strongly we're feeling that way. Even a small reduction in emotional intensity makes a great difference when done repetitively.
"Even with this anger, I don't want to raise my voice."
"Even with this anxiety, I am still capable of touching calmness in this moment."
"Even though I feel impatient, I can focus on being mindful of my outside environment."
"Even though my back hurts, I can focus on things to be grateful for to elevate out of my suffering."
"Even with this anxiety, I am still capable of touching calmness in this moment."
"Even though I feel impatient, I can focus on being mindful of my outside environment."
"Even though my back hurts, I can focus on things to be grateful for to elevate out of my suffering."
When we are aware, observing without judging, we won't be swept away by our emotions and we'll be able to take steps to reduce our stress levels. When we make a conscious effort to let go of our discomfort, it can actually reduce the level of pain or suffering we’re experiencing. We can loosen the grip of our unpleasant feelings by observing them with a curious, investigative wonder.
Try to use your discomfort as a cue to concentrate on your breathing or your other senses. Our feelings lose their strength when we stay connected to our present moment awareness. We can find genuine peace and take refuge from stress when we observe and acknowledge our feelings instead of reacting to or repressing them.
Try to use your discomfort as a cue to concentrate on your breathing or your other senses. Our feelings lose their strength when we stay connected to our present moment awareness. We can find genuine peace and take refuge from stress when we observe and acknowledge our feelings instead of reacting to or repressing them.
Increasing our Stress Tolerance
When we experience uncomfortable feelings, it can be a natural response for us to try to avoid them. We may try to dismiss our feelings, distract ourselves, detach emotionally with mindless consumption, or dissociate from what's making us uncomfortable. As counterintuitive as it may seem to give our full attention to our less pleasant emotions or our less favorable body sensations, we can find great insight in these uncomfortable feelings. Bodily aches and pains, energy fluctuations, challenging emotions, and social stress can be off-putting, but if we constantly run from or resist these discomforts, we may be avoiding valuable understanding. Tension in the body is connected to stress in the the mind, other times it even may indicate a greater health concern. Negative emotions can be unpleasant or distracting, but really our mind is doing its part to communicate something important to us. We just have to tune in. When we notice our discomfort, we can use it as a cue to begin to breathe mindfully. Taking deep breaths and connecting to the present moment helps us hold our difficult feelings without getting overwhelmed by them. We may feel uncomfortable, but we can feel uncomfortable and also be mindful. Being mindful of our discomfort means to give our full attention to the sensations, thoughts, and feelings in the present moment, even if they aren’t preferable. We simply observe our discomfort, without adding negativity or judgment. When we approach stress in an open, relaxed way, we can uncover a clear-minded composure that will help us tolerate what we once found unbearable.
Understanding Stress
"Stress" is one of the most widely used words today. People described themselves as "stressed" when taking an important test, when driving in traffic when late, when facing disharmony in their close relationships, as well as when they're balancing many projects for work. Having difficulty communicating with someone, adjusting to big life changes, dealing with an illness in the family, or losing something sentimental can all make us feel stressed. There are so many different triggers for stress, how do we define the essence of the experience of stress? Stress can be defined simply as emotional unease. We're nervous about failing, worried for our job, depressed about a challenge in our relationships, guilty about our behavior, or overwhelmed with pressuring expectations. Stress is an emotionally driven experience. The level and intensity of stress we experience when navigating life's challenges is directly related to our emotional state around each situation. The feelings of fear, frustration, helplessness, hopelessness, anxiety, and anger around stimulus we perceive as threatening are what we're experiencing when we describe ourselves as stressed. Whether we're facing a real threat, a major life change, or a minor inconvenience, our emotions are central to our experience of stress.
We feel stressed when we feel any amount of emotional unease: from mild emotional unrest to intense emotional turmoil. When we feel stressed, it's not some mild complaint-- stress significantly affects our entire psychological and physiological systems. When we experience these negative emotions, our body reacts instantaneously, releasing a flood of detrimental stress hormones, such as cortisol and epinephrine. These hormones are directly linked with the progression and development of disease, so it's important we learn to minimize how long we experience stress. When we're experiencing positive emotions, such as appreciation, love, happiness, optimism, and patience, our body produces DHEA, known as the "vitality hormone" for its positive effects on our longevity, state of mind, and overall wellbeing. Many people have been conditioned to high levels of daily stress, to the point of not recognizing those emotions as detrimental. It’s quite often for highly-stress individuals to accept their state of stress as part of their identity, justifying the emotional intensity that’s stressing their system day after day. If we learn how to self-regulate our emotions, both mentally and physically, we'll not only be able to reduce the amount of stress we experience in difficult times, but we’ll see many long-term benefits such as increased emotional awareness, cognitive flexibility, enhanced problem-solving, improvements in overall vitality (mental and physical wellbeing), and extend our longevity. Emotional regulation will also help us reduce the symptoms of anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and other troubling clinical disorders.
We feel stressed when we feel any amount of emotional unease: from mild emotional unrest to intense emotional turmoil. When we feel stressed, it's not some mild complaint-- stress significantly affects our entire psychological and physiological systems. When we experience these negative emotions, our body reacts instantaneously, releasing a flood of detrimental stress hormones, such as cortisol and epinephrine. These hormones are directly linked with the progression and development of disease, so it's important we learn to minimize how long we experience stress. When we're experiencing positive emotions, such as appreciation, love, happiness, optimism, and patience, our body produces DHEA, known as the "vitality hormone" for its positive effects on our longevity, state of mind, and overall wellbeing. Many people have been conditioned to high levels of daily stress, to the point of not recognizing those emotions as detrimental. It’s quite often for highly-stress individuals to accept their state of stress as part of their identity, justifying the emotional intensity that’s stressing their system day after day. If we learn how to self-regulate our emotions, both mentally and physically, we'll not only be able to reduce the amount of stress we experience in difficult times, but we’ll see many long-term benefits such as increased emotional awareness, cognitive flexibility, enhanced problem-solving, improvements in overall vitality (mental and physical wellbeing), and extend our longevity. Emotional regulation will also help us reduce the symptoms of anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and other troubling clinical disorders.
The Connection Between the Heart and the Brain
There’s amazing new research that shows the link between the heart and the brain is complex and communicative, the heart sending hormonal, neurological, pressure and electromagnetic information to either inhibit or facilitate cortical functions. The network of nerves between the brain and the heart is far more extensive than the neural connections with the brain and any other organ, and the heart is the greatest source of rhythmic activity in the body, allowing it to have significant influence over the harmony and health of many of the body’s systems. The heart is a sensory organ, a hormonal gland, and has been scientifically established as a sophisticated information processing center, complete with an intrinsic nervous system that has earned it the nickname “little brain.”
Our emotions have a profound impact on our heart. If we’re experiencing negative feelings such as dissatisfaction, anxiety, depression, or anger, these emotions will influence our heart rhythm to be more irregular and erratic. When we’re experiencing positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, kindness, compassion, or love, our heart rhythms are much more “coherent,” meaning they are more consistent, synchronized, and harmonious. Our heart is the most powerful source of electromagnetic energy in our body, so the patterns in the neural signals of our heart are strong enough to influence our brain waves, affecting brain centers involved in emotional experience, perception, self-regulation, decision making, response times, and even social awareness. If we’re upset, the erratic patterns inhibit these brain centers, and when we’re experiencing positive emotions, the coherent heart rhythms facilitate these brain centers, leading to greater synchrony and overall coherence in the body.
Our emotions have a profound impact on our heart. If we’re experiencing negative feelings such as dissatisfaction, anxiety, depression, or anger, these emotions will influence our heart rhythm to be more irregular and erratic. When we’re experiencing positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, kindness, compassion, or love, our heart rhythms are much more “coherent,” meaning they are more consistent, synchronized, and harmonious. Our heart is the most powerful source of electromagnetic energy in our body, so the patterns in the neural signals of our heart are strong enough to influence our brain waves, affecting brain centers involved in emotional experience, perception, self-regulation, decision making, response times, and even social awareness. If we’re upset, the erratic patterns inhibit these brain centers, and when we’re experiencing positive emotions, the coherent heart rhythms facilitate these brain centers, leading to greater synchrony and overall coherence in the body.
The HeartMath Approach
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Since 1991, The HeartMath Institute has been leading the way with groundbreaking research on stress and emotional physiology, heart-brain interactions, the physiology of learning, optimal performance, and technologies to improve emotional health and overall wellbeing.
HeartMath self-regulation techniques have been shown to be effective for people of all ages in reducing symptoms of emotional, mental, and medical challenges. I’ve been trained in these techniques and I’ve earned recognition as a certified HeartMath Practitioner. If you’d like to learn valuable techniques for emotional refocusing (for rapid emotional shifts, from depleting to renewing), in the moment stress reduction, skills for quickly shifting perception, strengthening impulse control, and skills for dealing with a variety of emotional triggers, book a personal session with me. The self-regulation I teach my clients includes understanding on how to reverse depleting emotions, minimize inefficient physiological responses, restructure maladaptive emotional and behavioral patterns, improve everyday interactions with other people, and facilitate a new psycho-physiological baseline for sustained behavioral changes. Practicing these skills has been proven to reduce the symptoms of anxiety, anger, depression, PTSD, OCD, and other stress-related disorders. |
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Energy Renewal vs Energy Depletion
Our body responds to stress whether we want it to or not. Our psychological and physiological systems are either in a state of renewal, meaning we're producing DHEA and enjoying the healthy effects of positive, sustained emotions, or our systems are in a state of depletion, meaning we're releasing the destructive hormones cortisol and epinephrine. I recommend learning the HeartMath emotional and stress-regulations I teach in my one-on-one sessions (or privately on Snapchat to members of my two highest tiers on Patreon); however, here are some quick links to other pages on this website to support you in your stress, emotions, and energy management. (You must be a Patron to access these pages, check out my current free content in the index here)
Things that Deplete our Energy:
Things that Renew our Energy:
