Looking Into Our Suffering for Insight
We all have happiness, and we all have experienced suffering. There is suffering of the body, including painful physical sensations like illness, hunger, or physical injury. There is suffering of the mind, such as when we feel anxiety, jealousy, anger, despair, or fear. Both kinds of suffering manifest somewhere in the body, creating tension and stress. Do we neglect or punish our body? Are we at war with people at work? Do we push the limits of our injuries, refusing to rest or heal? Whatever we’re struggling with, our body will hold onto our feelings until we pause to acknowledge the hurt that is there. Only then can we release our tension. We can provide our feelings with a chance to heal, but only when we look into how they’re hurt in the first place.
Breathing in, I know my suffering is there.
Breathing out, I say hello to my suffering.
Breathing out, I say hello to my suffering.
Happiness is impermanent, like everything else. Sometimes, we suffer. Humans are biochemical beings, so we cannot escape vulnerabilities such as headaches or hangnails. We also face painful reactions to the unavoidable tragedies of life. Our mother will die, our partner can get sick, controversy or war can threaten our sense of security. Whether we feel sad, stagnant, depressed, lonely, overworked, overwhelmed, physically distressed, or another painful feeling, we remember that our emotions are there for a reason. We can use our mindful breathing and our other coping skills to stay calm as we ask ourselves, "Why am I feeling this way?" Sometimes the answer will be obvious, and other times it will seem like there’s no logical reason for us to feel as we do. Even if we know why we’re feeling uncomfortable, sometimes we cannot escape what's causing us to suffer. In times when we feel truly stuck in our painful feelings, we can use our thoughts, words, and actions to create goodness in our day. When we’re riddled with anxiety, we can be gentle with ourselves and still act kindly toward other people. We may not feel good, but we can be good. When we're suffering from a physical pain, we can still extend loving words to those around us. We may not be able to offer physical support, but we can still offer positive energy and emotional support to those around us. When we grieve an accident or disaster, we can do something special to memorialize what we’ve lost. We may not have one thing anymore, but we can create something new. When we suffer from a headache, we can drink a glass of water. There are many reasons why we may have forgotten to tend to our feelings, but we can do so now. We can be actionable to help heal our pain. We offer ourselves relief, by redirecting our energy into a pleasurable activity (good actions) and by healing ourselves with compassionate introspection (good thoughts).
Breathing in, I know what is causing my suffering.
Breathing out, I reduce what is causing my suffering.
Breathing out, I reduce what is causing my suffering.
Suffering is beneficial. How? It is our teacher. We cannot escape suffering, so we learn how to suffer in the best way possible. We use our skills of insight, compassion, and wisdom to uncover why we’re suffering, and we accept our feelings. We will only cause more suffering by resisting or avoiding our feelings. When we accept our discomfort, looking deeply into its roots, we’re able to observe the thoughts, habits, and conditions that have created that unease, and if we’re able to reduce or release what feeds our suffering, we’ll have an opportunity to find our way back to happiness.
Breathing in, I know in my past I have felt happy.
Breathing out, I invite that happiness into this moment.
Breathing out, I invite that happiness into this moment.
No matter how intense or complex our suffering is, in any moment, we can connect to the present moment. We can come home to the peaceful space we’ve created inside of ourselves. We use our mindful breathing to root us in the sensation of being completely present, in this moment now. We use our senses to observe the incredible beauty of the world around us. We use our heart to remember meaningful times from our past where we felt joy, and we invite that feeling into this moment to help us heal any tension we’re experiencing. We use our brain to remind ourselves that we are safe and free in this moment, now. We use our whole body to inspire us to be grateful for our life, today. Things can change in a moment. Allow yourself to feel happiness, now. Once we have acknowledged what’s causing us to suffer, we have our insight, and then we can stop feeding our sorrow, allowing ourselves freedom from those feelings. We have listened to our suffering, and now we need to heal that discomfort with nourishing, loving kindness.
Breathing in, I know I am breathing in.
Breathing out, I smile.
Breathing out, I smile.
It is a blessing when we recognize that we are suffering,
because we are the best person to possibly understand what is needed to transform those feelings.
because we are the best person to possibly understand what is needed to transform those feelings.
Breathing in, I am here for my suffering.
Breathing out, I smile to my suffering.
Breathing in, I am here.
Breathing out, I smile.
Breathing out, I smile to my suffering.
Breathing in, I am here.
Breathing out, I smile.
Transforming the Negative Conditions in Our Life
If we feel as though our life has been full of nothing but negative experiences, we should examine our thoughts. When we continue a negative train of thought or hold on tightly to our negative beliefs, we will see everything through a very pessimistic, cynical, or unhappy lens. All beliefs (good and bad) are nothing more than a chronic pattern of thought; and in any moment, we can review our beliefs to make sure they are nourishing and inspiring to us.
When we suffer from a negative emotion, we can stop whatever we’re doing or thinking and ask ourselves, "What is it that I really want right now?” When we place our attention on identifying what we desire, instead of ruminating on any unfavorable circumstances, we immediately can soothe the negative feeling with positive attention and move towards what we need in this moment.
When we suffer from a negative emotion, we can stop whatever we’re doing or thinking and ask ourselves, "What is it that I really want right now?” When we place our attention on identifying what we desire, instead of ruminating on any unfavorable circumstances, we immediately can soothe the negative feeling with positive attention and move towards what we need in this moment.
I'm feeling angry. What I really want is people to understand my perspective. I can achieve this by speaking calmly and clearly.
I'm feeling anxious. What I really want is to feel calm. I can achieve this by breathing slowly and deeply and reassuring myself of my strengths.
I'm feeling depressed. What I really want is to be happy. I can achieve this through appreciating the subtle details of this moment.
I'm feeling a craving for intoxication. What I really want is to feel peace from my suffering. I can achieve this with meditation, time outside, & self-care.
I'm feeling impatient. What I really want is to get to this appointment on time. Getting upset won't help me get there faster, so
I'll find peace in this moment.
I'm feeling anxious. What I really want is to feel calm. I can achieve this by breathing slowly and deeply and reassuring myself of my strengths.
I'm feeling depressed. What I really want is to be happy. I can achieve this through appreciating the subtle details of this moment.
I'm feeling a craving for intoxication. What I really want is to feel peace from my suffering. I can achieve this with meditation, time outside, & self-care.
I'm feeling impatient. What I really want is to get to this appointment on time. Getting upset won't help me get there faster, so
I'll find peace in this moment.
Offer yourself happiness today, and relax into the wonderful feelings that come when we stop resisting what we want and need.
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Deepen Your Understanding: Side-to-Side Thought Observation is a technique to become more aware of our negative thinking patterns. We use that awareness to slowly train ourselves to balance negative thoughts with more positive, nourishing ones.
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Comforting Distractions vs Healing Attention
Our mind can become so busy that we don’t even realize how consumed by our thoughts and feelings we truly are. When we pause, slow down, and separate ourselves from the hurriedness of things, we may find ourselves feeling uneasy instead of calm. This can be caused by an accumulation of stress and painful feelings.
When we suffer, that energy isn’t pleasant or enjoyable. So it’s understandable that we sometimes try to avoid that uncomfortable feeling by consuming a variety of distractions. Eating junk food, watching junk entertainment - we’ll consume anything to keep our mind off our hurt feelings. These distractions only temporarily numb us for a short while instead of providing healing attention to our true feelings. Just as we can acknowledge the negative energy of our suffering, we can also acknowledge the positive energy of mindfulness. We can prevent ourselves from getting overwhelmed by grounding ourselves in the present moment, using the energy of mindfulness to cultivate strength and positivity. We can anchor in the present moment as we hold space for and comfort our suffering. With mindfulness, when we recognize we’re feeling uneasy or upset, we look deeply into our suffering and try to understand why the negative feeling has come to us. Then we’ll have insight on what needs to be done to transform our unease into joy, grace, and wisdom.
When we suffer, that energy isn’t pleasant or enjoyable. So it’s understandable that we sometimes try to avoid that uncomfortable feeling by consuming a variety of distractions. Eating junk food, watching junk entertainment - we’ll consume anything to keep our mind off our hurt feelings. These distractions only temporarily numb us for a short while instead of providing healing attention to our true feelings. Just as we can acknowledge the negative energy of our suffering, we can also acknowledge the positive energy of mindfulness. We can prevent ourselves from getting overwhelmed by grounding ourselves in the present moment, using the energy of mindfulness to cultivate strength and positivity. We can anchor in the present moment as we hold space for and comfort our suffering. With mindfulness, when we recognize we’re feeling uneasy or upset, we look deeply into our suffering and try to understand why the negative feeling has come to us. Then we’ll have insight on what needs to be done to transform our unease into joy, grace, and wisdom.
“We can even smile to our suffering and say, ‘Good morning, my pain, my sorrow, my fear. I see you. I am here. Don’t worry.’” - Thich Nhat Hanh
Overcoming Physical Pain
Sometimes with pain, we yearn for the past when we had more freedom, or we crave the future when our suffering will pass. We must remember the past has gone, and the future hasn’t yet come. This moment is all we've got, so we might as well make the best of it. Even with physical pain, this present moment is something wonderful. There is always something worth appreciating, even through physical discomfort. If we suffer from physical pain, we have to look more deeply at the beauty, wonder, and miracles that surround us. Pain can be very consuming, darkening our perspective, but if we can remember to use our senses to look at the kaleidoscope of wonder around us, looking for things we love, we can find relief. If we can use our hands, we can touch inspiration around us, hold the hand of a loved one, touch an animal, appreciate comforting textures and temperatures, and we can find relief. If we can hear, we can use our ears to listen to the soothing sounds of nature, hear the energy and emotion in our favorite music, soak up loving and positive words from other people, and we can find relief. If we can see, we can use our eyes to appreciate the beauty of nature, enjoy the passion in our favorite arts, connect deeply with our loved ones, and we can find relief. When we connect to the goodness in the present moment, we can elevate out of the depths of suffering. Sometimes we can only use one of our senses, but this can be enough if we allow ourselves to be fully focused on and appreciative of this singular element of our sensory experience.
Desiring a different reality will only add more suffering and discontent to our already stressed system, so we must accept our limitations and find relief in new areas. Allow yourself to appreciate and honor the functioning parts of your body. Allow yourself to find joy in the small things, for this is a great achievement. We can think of ourselves as a victim, someone who is limited by the physical self, or we feel proud of our great accomplishment of being someone who can find happiness, contentment, and mental relief amidst great physical suffering.
This present moment can be the most meaningful moment of our life, because it’s the moment we are in now.
Desiring a different reality will only add more suffering and discontent to our already stressed system, so we must accept our limitations and find relief in new areas. Allow yourself to appreciate and honor the functioning parts of your body. Allow yourself to find joy in the small things, for this is a great achievement. We can think of ourselves as a victim, someone who is limited by the physical self, or we feel proud of our great accomplishment of being someone who can find happiness, contentment, and mental relief amidst great physical suffering.
This present moment can be the most meaningful moment of our life, because it’s the moment we are in now.
Good Moments in Bad Days
Today is a wonderful day, but not every day will be the best day ever. Some days might even be quite unpleasant or challenge us in ways that make us uncomfortable. When a good day is too much to ask, we can look deeply to see the good moments. In the worst situations, we can always find a beautiful moment if we look deeply enough. Life has so many ups and downs, we can balance the variability by consistently finding goodness to appreciate in the moment we’re presently in.